Adult Dating

I think that one side effect of adult dating and online dating sites is that we become desensitized.  There is no avoiding it.  When we begin correspondence with someone online they may not respond.  A form of rejection.  They may say a few words then only to simply disappear.  After we’ve experienced this a few times, this will vary for each individual, it becomes second nature to not even flinch.  The same occurs in the “real” adult dating world.  When we meet people in a bar and try to initiate conversation, they may simply walk away.  Worse, they may make an uncouth comment and then walk away.

We begin to take things in stride.  Our ego’s are no longer hurt or bruised.  This type of desensitization does not always stop here, however.  It may affect how we interact with people we would like to meet.  Perhaps we begin to hold back about what we share right away with a potential adult dating partner.  Perhaps we become a little more aloof.  I suppose this could be a defense mechanism, however I think it is simply more about not caring as much.

For those of us who are new to the adult dating scene we may fight this natural progression.  Resistance is futile as it is a naturally occurring progression.  We can not hide from nor fight human nature.  I also believe that this desensitization of the adult dating world happens because the people we interact with have already come to the point we ourselves may just be realizing.  They exhibit the behavior of not caring (by not giving the time of day, let alone a polite response).  It basically perpetuates itself.

The effects of being desensitized does not stop here and can be more widespread.  For instance, we may not offer the support to our friends that may be in relationship trouble.  We may simply just not care.  We may even offer the wrong advice or tell them to not worry about it because relationships are a dime a dozen.  When we have been out in the wild that is the adult dating for a while, people almost begin to feel…disposable.  I know it sounds harsh and awful, but it does happen.

The only reason I’m talking about this today is that I want people to be aware that adult dating can desensitize us to certain aspects of life and the effects can be insidious.  Realize that a certain amount of desensitization in the adult dating world can be positive, but it really should be kept in check.  This can only happen once you are aware of it’s existence.

Is there an end to the detriment that this behavior can exude left unleashed and unchecked?  I don’t have that answer and ultimately it is up to the individual as such effects are always unique to each individual.  However, I think that things can change when a person has success in the adult dating world and finds themselves in a relationship.  So, there is hope.

In the end, do not be afraid of being desensitized.  It may or may not happen.  Inevitably, your adult dating experiences will, like all experiences, lend themselves to shaping who you are.

You know who you are.  You are not kind to the world of adult dating.  I know, you’ve been hit on by the wrong guys for so long that you do not want give guys the time of day.  You know what though, the right guys can spot you a mile away.  We don’t talk to you because you will act like a bitch to us before we can even say hello.  You can’t spot us so well, but we are the guys that shoot you a look and roll our eyes with that look saying “puhleeze”.  You know, the look that you shoot at everyone.

You are so sold on your looks that all you do is bitch and complain about men.  You begin to play games with them to get things that you want.  You will always find the wrong type of guy.  It’s a creature of your own doing at this point.  You’ve stopped giving guys a chance to talk to you.  I don’t feel bad for you, and neither do the rest of the good guys.  You see, we give you the same treatment you’ve given us.  You’ve successfully made yourself unapproachable by the right guys.  That’s why you attract all of the wrong guys.  Think about it.

You have really put yourself in a bad spot here.  Now, all of the good guys are going to treat you as if they are bad guys because they do not trust you.  They know you have attitude.  And not in a good way.  So what’s a hot girl to do?  It depends.

First off, if you truly want to meet a good guy you have to make yourself approachable.  Yes, that means trying to have an actual normal conversation with an actual man.  Crazy idea, isn’t it.  You have to prove that you do not have a bad attitude in order to be taken seriously.  You actually have act nice and normal.  Oh yeah, and mature.  If you don’t know what that is, just look it up.  You can find it in a book called the dictionary.

Oh well, I know this post won’t change the world.  I know it may sound a little harsh, but this is how us good guys see it.  Don’t shoot the messenger (not that your opinion means anything to me).

Oh yeah, and please, please stay off the online line adult dating sites.  We do not want you there.  You are not welcome and we will harass you, lol.

: -)

One recurring theme that I see from the female members of online adult dating sites entails a concept that is out of sync with reality.  These women state that they are looking for their prince charming or their knight in shining armor.  The best one I’ve read goes something like this, “I would like to go to a nice restaurant and have a candlelight dinner for two and then a walk in the moonlight hand in hand”.  This is for a first date, mind you.  Others say that they want to be swept off their feet!

This is an online adult dating site!  The other members of the online adult dating site are REAL people!  Not made up characters.  Not figments of your imagination.  Yes, I know it’s the Internet and you have more people to choose from than the sampling you get at the local bars and clubs in your area, but come on.  Please, be realistic.  This is not a movie.  Life is not a movie.  Life does not imitate Hollywood movies.  If you expect life to resemble a movie, rent an indie flick.

Don’t forget, even though the members of the adult dating site are real, they are also real strangers.  Would you expect a guy you meet at a bar to call you a couple of times and then take you out on the perfect date, be the perfect gentleman, do all the right things and also be genuine?  Come on.  It’s a set up, it’s called “wine and dine”.  And you all know where that is supposed to lead.  In fact, if a guy does this for you, you would label him a “playa”.  See my post about playas here: The Playa

Ladies, you are talking out of both sides of your mouth on this one.  And that means that something has to give.  Also, you are arming all playas with the exact info that he needs to get what he wants from you.  Think about that.  You are setting yourself up for the exact opposite of what you want.

Aside from all of the above, you ladies never say what you have to offer.  Are you the perfect woman?  If so, explain why you think you are.  What makes you think you deserve this guy, if he exists in the online adult dating world, anyway.  Already with your demands you are saying how selfish and demanding you are.  Maybe you should add that to your profiles: “Also this perfect man must do everything I ask for and have the money to buy me all of the expensive unecessary items that I want”.  Ah, you didn’t want to add that last bit now did you, but you know you’re thinking it (and I know it too).

So, ladies, WAKE UP!  First off, you are not deserving of this yet.  You have to prove yourself too.  And, if this guy exists in the world, he is already taken.  Yes, I am going to burst your bubble now, he is TAKEN.  He has already found someone that appreciates his kindness.  Besides, you women don’t seem to like the nice guys anyway.  You say that you want a nice guy because you are sick of all of the games, yet you run to the guys playing the games.  That has something to do with “Rescue Fantasy” and I will be writing about it soon.

When I see profiles such as the one I’ve mentioned in this post it makes me laugh…and then it makes me spit.  Utterly ridiculous.  This is online adult dating, with real people, not once upon a time in Camelot.