Adult Dating

Perhaps you met at an online adult dating site, perhaps not.  Doesn’t matter.  What matters is that you are feeling the “heat”.  The “heat” is the pressure you may feel when your dating partner, whether knowingly or unknowingly, is putting a little more pressure on you to have a more committed relationship.  Whether or not this is done explicitly, your gut will tell you this is happening.

Your partner may be asking you to spend more time with them or calling you more.  Perhaps they are asking you more questions about what you did last night when you weren’t with them or around.  Maybe you are starting to feel like you are being held accountable and are being asked to reveal information about yourself that you feel is not warranted.  Perhaps your partner is saying things like, “I’m not just a booty call.  You know that, right.”  (notice this is not a question, but a statement)  Either way, in your partner’s eyes, the next step is upon your relationship and you don’t see it that way.  So, what to do?

The absolute first thing you need to do is communicate.  Assuming you have told your partner from the beginning where you stand on relationships at this point in time, it may be time to reiterate your stance.  You can do so gently by taking advantage of certain conversational opportunities.  For instance, if talk about dating other people comes up, let them know that you think it’s OK or healthy to continue to explore dating other people.  If you are watching a movie or TV and marriage comes up, make note that you are glad that you are not married and are enjoying your lifestyle.  Your partner will get the hint.

If the above does not sink in enough, it may be time for other measures.  Cut back on communication.  In other words, distance yourself somewhat.  Do this if you do not want to cut ties completely.  Mention that you are talking to other people.  Don’t make yourself as available.

While some of these techniques may seem underhanded, they should only be used if you’ve already communicated your stance on relationship.  Distancing does not automatically equate to a bad thing or being immoral or insensitive.

If the above fails, it’s time to be blunt.  This is most likely the last thing you want, but is necessary at this point.  Why is it the last resort?  Because telling your partner that you do not want to take things to the next level will end whatever type of relationship that you currently have.  Most times, this is inevitable.  Sometimes it happens sooner, sometimes later.  Keep in mind, we are strictly talking about circumstances where you do not want to take things to the next level.  If you did, you would not be reading this article in the first place.

I hope this has been helpful.  And, keep in mind, these are only my thoughts based on my personal opinion.