Adult Dating

Once we find ourselves fully immersed in the adult dating scene, we will quickly find ourselves meeting quite a few people.  People will come and people will go.  However, just because some time passes, don’t forget about the friendships you’ve forged.

Now, sadly, there will be times where we will meet someone and develop a correspondence with them that will last more than an hour…and it will end badly.  Maybe you liked her wild and crazy personality…until you realized she was crazy.  Maybe you like his dirty talk…until you realized he was just another perv.  Sometimes we think people are different from who they really are.  Sometimes we give them the benefit of the doubt or give them time to prove themselves otherwise.  And when we can offer them no more chances to prove to us that we can connect on different levels, we part ways into that adult dating abyss.

Other times, are adult dating correspondences simply fade away.  Without warning, they just fizzle out.  The person you met from the online adult dating site and typed to on your IM client is simply gone.  Perhaps you and your new adult dating buddy had some great late night telephone conversations.  One day you just realize that poof, they are gone.  Don’t worry.  You didn’t leave off on bad terms and before you know it one of you will contact the other to say hello or ask how they are doing.  It’s called keeping in touch or “touching base”.  This is just as natural in the adult dating world as it is in the networking that occurs in the “real” world.

Perhaps you really had a fancy for this person that you haven’t spoken to in a while.  Before you know it, you may end up developing or re-kindling a more adult dating type of relationship rather than one that is more along the lines of strictly friendship.  This is a frequent occurrence in the adult dating world.  It’s because life is based on timing.  Sometimes the initial timing is simply just not right and needs to run it’s natural course.  This is also why it is important to maintain a positive, upbeat, non-negative attitude when it comes to adult dating.  You never know what can happen or what the future brings.

Now, by all means, this does not mean that you will find the love of your life in this way.  It simply means that when you think you have lost the chance to experience a certain level of intimacy and romance with a potential adult dating partner, it is not always the case.  The simple moral of this story is to keep your chin up.  Accept people as they are.  Accept that they may have been busy or occupied by something or someone else at the time things seemed to fade.  Patterns in life seem to follow a circular motion, but that does in no way mean we are standing still.

So remember, don’t burn your bridges.  Until next time, be positive and happy adult dating.

An odd phenomena can occur when we undertake our adult dating adventures.  I call it “Perfect Stranger” syndrome.  This syndrome happens when we begin an adult dating endeavour and we feel as though we have no worries in the world.  We open up because we do not have the fear that we may be sharing info that may come back to bite us in the backside.  We go on and on about ourselves and the things we’ve done and heck, we may even feel like airing out an old skeleton or two from our closet.  After all, we have no bond with this new person.  This new person may as well be a psychiatrist and all will go in one ear and out the other.

You know exactly what I mean.  You share more of yourself with someone who you think will never be a part of your life.  A person that has no ties to the other people you know.  They are outside of the “circle”.  We’ve all done it, don’t deny it.

I find that this usually occurs when we are meeting people and we find someone that we don’t envision as being an adult dating partner.  When we are in the adult dating mode, we talk to people and try to form new relationships.  Even though we may find a person that we initially met because of our adult dating mindset, we may find that we know before hand, for various reasons, that we will not be forming a relationship with this person on an intimate adult dating level.  Yet, we may find that we still “chat”.  And this is where the danger lies.

You see, at first you think, “well, this isn’t going anywhere so what I say really does not matter.  it’s just someone to talk to and vent.”  See, that vent part is not a conscious decision.  It’s just there, lingering in the back of your mind.  Before you know it you are venting and spilling all sorts of information about yourself that formally resided in the doldrums of that thing of yours called a brain.

Somewhere down the line you realize that you’ve been talking to this person for quite some time.  In fact, you’ve actually become friends.  However, your friendship is based on a different you.  Not the you that you would want necessarily dive right into.  In fact, you may be viewed as someone that just complains.  The bottom line is, the perfect stranger syndrome has painted you in a corner and most like has painted you in a negative light.  Your friendship will never amount to more than the way it began.  Not only that, you may have lost an opportunity to meet a new adult dating partner through what should have been a new friend and a potential contact for networking which could have allowed you to broaden your adult dating horizons.

The bottom line is, don’t spill your guts to a person that you don’t know because you need to vent.  Either find a confidant, get a psychiatrist or write it down in a diary or journal.  I know that you are meeting lots of new people during your rein of adult dating, but do your best not to let this happen.  You will put yourself in an awkward stage of friend land and will never be able to climb out of it.  You will also lose the opportunity to broaden your adult dating network and will only be painting yourself into a corner.

I hope this makes sense to you.  I know it will make more sense if you have had this experience first hand and can relate to what I’m writing about.  I also know that it can be difficult to go against your human nature, but the fact that we are human allows us to overcome this.

Thanks for reading and happy adult dating everybody!

Lets face it, when it comes to adult dating, people are not always genuine…or at least upfront.  Sure, it would be nice if people were forthcoming with their intentions, but that’s not how things work in the world, especially when it comes to online adult dating.

Obviously, in the adult dating world some people are “playas“.  What is not so obvious are the people that need to keep people on the peripheral.  The people who need satellites consisting of others that comprise or make up a support group.  The satellite individuals in this support group will never get to close to these needy people on any real type of intimate level concerning adult dating.  These satellites are not in “let’s just be friends land”, they are somewhere else.  Further out yet closer in some ways.

Each person has certain aspects to their personalities.  Almost to the effect of having different persona’s.  For instance, the fed up you, the happy you, the passionate about this or that you, this is your hobby, this is your pet peeve…  Chances are, you will not be able to find one person that agrees with everything you believe in, and this is natural.  Besides, who would want to be with someone that is on the exact same page as themselves?

Back to the point, sort of.  The person I’m talking about “needs” to find others to talk with concerning certain aspects of their persona’s.  They may need to feed the sex aspect of one of their inner personae but can’t do that with the people in their circle of friends that they interact with in day to day life.  They require something a little more…anonymous.  They may also require someone in their life that will satisfy the moral aspect of their personalities, akin to confessing to a priest.  Again, the theme here is that the target or satellite needs to be far enough away.  A certain impersonal requirement must be met in order to cultivate a sustained outlet for the satisfaction of the aspect at hand.

Online adult dating sites are a great way for people to meet others and find what they are looking for.  As a member of an adult dating site, you have to be aware that these people exist.  They are almost akin to the scammers that litter the Internet.  When you meet such a person, or are targeted by a person with such intentions, they will absolutely not tell you why they want a relationship with you.  They will not tell you what their intentions are because they may not even realize that they are in fact affected by the needs of certain aspects of their personae.   If they told you what they wanted from you from the beginning, this would not be a “problem”.  It would not be underhanded or shifty.

The bottom line is that while you are meeting people at an online adult dating site, beware of people like this.  They are a different breed of people that most people have a hard time spotting.  Maybe you chat with someone you met on an adult dating site and all they want to talk about is sex.  Maybe every conversation you have always turns into the same theme, every time you chat.  If so, this is a good indication that the person at the other end of the chat is using you to focus on and satisfy one of the needs that they have.  If you can never get out of the moral conversation and elevate it to something a little more “frisky” (which is normal between two people that are attracted to one another), then chances are you are simply the “moral” guy.  Similar to when you were in high school and the girl you liked was having sex with everyone else but never thought of you that way.

These types of people at adult dating sites can get your hopes up.  They can get you going in a sexual manner and in the opposite way as in, “This person is the one!  We click and see (this subject) the exact same way!”.  Of course, when you want to meet this person in person, they retreat and throw a weird vibe your way.  If you’ve had this happen to you then you know what I’m referring to.  Maybe it is starting to make sense to you now.

In closing, always go into any type of relationship with your eyes open.  Don’t give in blindly to your own needs and let others take advantage of you.  It is very easy to fall into this, especially when it comes to adult dating.  Once you are able to spot these types of people, you can either choose not to interact with them or you can accept them for who they are and still have fun and maintain a “different” type of adult dating relationship with them.  Once you have spotted them it is up to you to decide how you wish to proceed.

I hope this was clear enough and helpful to some of you.  Keep in mind that the above is only my opinion and how I see things.  It is not documented in terms of a psychological absolute (as far as I know).  This is just one of my personal theories.

Knowledge is power!  Have fun and have  fuitful and safe online adult dating experiences.