Adult Dating

I think that one side effect of adult dating and online dating sites is that we become desensitized.  There is no avoiding it.  When we begin correspondence with someone online they may not respond.  A form of rejection.  They may say a few words then only to simply disappear.  After we’ve experienced this a few times, this will vary for each individual, it becomes second nature to not even flinch.  The same occurs in the “real” adult dating world.  When we meet people in a bar and try to initiate conversation, they may simply walk away.  Worse, they may make an uncouth comment and then walk away.

We begin to take things in stride.  Our ego’s are no longer hurt or bruised.  This type of desensitization does not always stop here, however.  It may affect how we interact with people we would like to meet.  Perhaps we begin to hold back about what we share right away with a potential adult dating partner.  Perhaps we become a little more aloof.  I suppose this could be a defense mechanism, however I think it is simply more about not caring as much.

For those of us who are new to the adult dating scene we may fight this natural progression.  Resistance is futile as it is a naturally occurring progression.  We can not hide from nor fight human nature.  I also believe that this desensitization of the adult dating world happens because the people we interact with have already come to the point we ourselves may just be realizing.  They exhibit the behavior of not caring (by not giving the time of day, let alone a polite response).  It basically perpetuates itself.

The effects of being desensitized does not stop here and can be more widespread.  For instance, we may not offer the support to our friends that may be in relationship trouble.  We may simply just not care.  We may even offer the wrong advice or tell them to not worry about it because relationships are a dime a dozen.  When we have been out in the wild that is the adult dating for a while, people almost begin to feel…disposable.  I know it sounds harsh and awful, but it does happen.

The only reason I’m talking about this today is that I want people to be aware that adult dating can desensitize us to certain aspects of life and the effects can be insidious.  Realize that a certain amount of desensitization in the adult dating world can be positive, but it really should be kept in check.  This can only happen once you are aware of it’s existence.

Is there an end to the detriment that this behavior can exude left unleashed and unchecked?  I don’t have that answer and ultimately it is up to the individual as such effects are always unique to each individual.  However, I think that things can change when a person has success in the adult dating world and finds themselves in a relationship.  So, there is hope.

In the end, do not be afraid of being desensitized.  It may or may not happen.  Inevitably, your adult dating experiences will, like all experiences, lend themselves to shaping who you are.

You here people all the time saying that love is very rare and only happens a few times during a person’s lifetime.  Most people scoff at adult dating sites and think that they will not find “the one” at such a site.  Well I’m here to tell you that that is a myth.  Not only is it a myth concerning adult dating sites, it is a myth in general.

Based, yes, on my personal experience, there have been many people in my life that I felt were the person that I could spend the rest of my life with.  I know, I know, please hold the applause.  The truth is, it is really not that hard to find someone that you connect with.  I think it’s people’s predisposition that leads them to not only believe this, but also make it true.  Mind over matter if you will.

Once you begin your adult dating endeavour, you will soon realize that what I’m saying is true.  Now this does not mean that you will fall in love with every single that you meet in the adult dating game.  But you may be surprised how often it can occur.  It’s not a bad thing.  In fact, you should be encouraged by it.

I know that this may take some of the mystique and allure out of adult dating for some.  I also know that it may down right go against everything you believe to be true and seem very unromantic.  I’m not here to destroy your idea of romance.  Romance is what you make of it.  Romance is defined by the connection that you make with a new partner you meet in the adult dating scene.  And, on the contrary, you should be encouraged to hear this.  If perhaps you have already felt this strong connection that you believe only happens a few times during a person’s lifetime, don’t worry, it will happen again.

I’m not trying to trivialize love or relationships formed from adult dating.  I’m just trying to put things into perspective.  My basic point is that love is not akin to the nine lives of cats.  Once you use up a couple, you do not have a set amount left.  Love is not comparable to the life force you have left in a video game.  Love is there for the taking and is all around you, like the song.  Romance is what you make of it.

Love is not a limited supply or a non-renewable resource.  Take solace in this and let it enhance your adult dating experiences.  Also, be cautious and don’t hurry love (like another song).  You will know when something there is strong.  Most importantly, don’t despair if your relationship has ended.  Love is still out there, in a different form ready and waiting for you.  Yes, there is plenty of love out there for you in your journey down the path that is adult dating.

Lets face it, when it comes to adult dating, people are not always genuine…or at least upfront.  Sure, it would be nice if people were forthcoming with their intentions, but that’s not how things work in the world, especially when it comes to online adult dating.

Obviously, in the adult dating world some people are “playas“.  What is not so obvious are the people that need to keep people on the peripheral.  The people who need satellites consisting of others that comprise or make up a support group.  The satellite individuals in this support group will never get to close to these needy people on any real type of intimate level concerning adult dating.  These satellites are not in “let’s just be friends land”, they are somewhere else.  Further out yet closer in some ways.

Each person has certain aspects to their personalities.  Almost to the effect of having different persona’s.  For instance, the fed up you, the happy you, the passionate about this or that you, this is your hobby, this is your pet peeve…  Chances are, you will not be able to find one person that agrees with everything you believe in, and this is natural.  Besides, who would want to be with someone that is on the exact same page as themselves?

Back to the point, sort of.  The person I’m talking about “needs” to find others to talk with concerning certain aspects of their persona’s.  They may need to feed the sex aspect of one of their inner personae but can’t do that with the people in their circle of friends that they interact with in day to day life.  They require something a little more…anonymous.  They may also require someone in their life that will satisfy the moral aspect of their personalities, akin to confessing to a priest.  Again, the theme here is that the target or satellite needs to be far enough away.  A certain impersonal requirement must be met in order to cultivate a sustained outlet for the satisfaction of the aspect at hand.

Online adult dating sites are a great way for people to meet others and find what they are looking for.  As a member of an adult dating site, you have to be aware that these people exist.  They are almost akin to the scammers that litter the Internet.  When you meet such a person, or are targeted by a person with such intentions, they will absolutely not tell you why they want a relationship with you.  They will not tell you what their intentions are because they may not even realize that they are in fact affected by the needs of certain aspects of their personae.   If they told you what they wanted from you from the beginning, this would not be a “problem”.  It would not be underhanded or shifty.

The bottom line is that while you are meeting people at an online adult dating site, beware of people like this.  They are a different breed of people that most people have a hard time spotting.  Maybe you chat with someone you met on an adult dating site and all they want to talk about is sex.  Maybe every conversation you have always turns into the same theme, every time you chat.  If so, this is a good indication that the person at the other end of the chat is using you to focus on and satisfy one of the needs that they have.  If you can never get out of the moral conversation and elevate it to something a little more “frisky” (which is normal between two people that are attracted to one another), then chances are you are simply the “moral” guy.  Similar to when you were in high school and the girl you liked was having sex with everyone else but never thought of you that way.

These types of people at adult dating sites can get your hopes up.  They can get you going in a sexual manner and in the opposite way as in, “This person is the one!  We click and see (this subject) the exact same way!”.  Of course, when you want to meet this person in person, they retreat and throw a weird vibe your way.  If you’ve had this happen to you then you know what I’m referring to.  Maybe it is starting to make sense to you now.

In closing, always go into any type of relationship with your eyes open.  Don’t give in blindly to your own needs and let others take advantage of you.  It is very easy to fall into this, especially when it comes to adult dating.  Once you are able to spot these types of people, you can either choose not to interact with them or you can accept them for who they are and still have fun and maintain a “different” type of adult dating relationship with them.  Once you have spotted them it is up to you to decide how you wish to proceed.

I hope this was clear enough and helpful to some of you.  Keep in mind that the above is only my opinion and how I see things.  It is not documented in terms of a psychological absolute (as far as I know).  This is just one of my personal theories.

Knowledge is power!  Have fun and have  fuitful and safe online adult dating experiences.